Danvers State
by Destiel In The Impala
Summary: Danvers State Mental Hospital is the home of Castiel Novak, a man who had an incredibly traumatic childhood. The events that occurred messed with his mind and left him with a hefty list of mental illnesses. The doctor's find they need to get to the bottom of Cas' mental state and find out about the fantasy worlds his brain created before he becomes too lost to return to reality.
1. Chapter 1

'You know.. I don't belong in here!' The crazed voice rang out, travelling through the small glass slit of a window.

The bulky carers did not pay attention as they locked the door firmly, grunting to each other, confirming that there was no way the patient could escape the confines of the room.

'Patient is secure, morphine has entered into the system and he has been placed under general anesthesia. Patient should become unconscious within a few minutes.' The larger of the two men informed his co-worker. He nodded briefly in response before marching down the hall.

'You see, Dean, they have me all wrong. I don't want to _harm_ the people.' Manic eyes paled as they darted around the white room, 'No, no, no, no, no-o! I just want them to _see_!' A hysterical laugh tumbled out of the man's pale lips.

Another man circled him, a finger to his lips as he mentally debated with himself. 'What do you want them to _see_, Cas?'

Cas lifted a battered hand to his mouth, eyes staring up from their bruised sockets. 'I want them to see how it works!' He choked out another giggle before falling back onto the padded floor and slipping into oblivion.

* * *

The raven-haired man twitched in his dreamless, chemical induced sleep. Doctor Fuller observed the male from the other side of the cell door.

'Nurse Foreman, could you get Castiel's files for me.' The doctor didn't remove his eyes from the patient as he directed the order at the petite nurse.

'Sure.' She scurried away down the hall, leaving the doctor alone.

Castiel had been unconscious for over twelve hours which was extremely unusual; his normal sleeping pattern would be six hours maximum even after he had been doped up with chemicals.

The cheerful nurse returned to the Doctor, handing him Castiel Novak's case file. The doctor knew Castiel's case off by heart but he still scanned down the list, murmuring the disorders under his breath.

'Manic depression, schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder, anxiety, hallucinations, paranoia, anorexia nervosa.'

'Yeah, Doc, still the same as when he was first admitted..' The nurse smiled sweetly up at him and then peered in to look at the patient. He had woken up during the time it took for her to retrieve the file. 'Well look who's awake!' She waved at Castiel who appeared to see right through her.

'I should assess his progress. Do you wish to accompany me?' The doctor squinted at Nurse Foreman over the rims of his glasses.

'Of course!'

Doctor Fuller unlocked the cell door and walked in to the white padded room. 'I see you're awake, Castiel. How are we doing today? Do you feel any better?'

Castiel laughed manically from his position on the floor. 'I don't need to be here.'

'How about Dean, where is he?'

'Dean's here, Doc.' Castiel's head tilted to the side as he looked into thin air.

Nurse Foreman dragged a chair in to the spacious cell for the doctor and smiled at Castiel.

'I'm an angel now, Doc.'

The doctor sighed as he peered over his glasses. This had been a recurring dream with Castiel where he thought he was in another world. 'Castiel, you are a patient here at Danvers State Hospital, not an angel.'

The patient's large blue eyes finally focused on the GP. 'I save people.' A grin spread across his face. 'Dean's there too. He makes sure I'm safe. He wants to save the people too.'

'What are the names of the people you've saved, Castiel?'

'We saved Dean's brother. We saved him together.'

'Is this Sam?'

'I never told you his name..' Fear and suspicion spread in the patient's eyes as he scooted away into the corner, as far away as possible from Doctor Fuller.

'We have had many sessions to do with Sam, Castiel. You talk about Sam a lot too. Is he here with us now?'

Castiel shook his head wildly, his unruly hair quivering, 'No. Sam is far away from here. Dean stays though.'

Nurse Foreman jotted down Castiel's frantic mumbling on her notepad. Castiel hadn't made any progress since their last session and he seemed to be reverting back to an old favourite fiction tale of his where he was with Dean and Sam.

'Where is Dean exactly?'

'He is not _right _here!' Castiel shouted suddenly, rising up from his position on the floor. 'He is-' Castiel sank back down to the padded surface, biting his nails, not finishing the sentence.

'Where is he, Castiel?'

The patient was growing weary of the Doctor's questions and was starting to twitch, his match-stick arms rising and falling spasmodically. His voice became an octave higher and his azure eyes darkened resembling the colour of a stormy sea. 'I don't want you to know about Dean! Dean is ours!'

'Jimmy?' The doctor questioned calmly; he had been working with Castiel for over two years and was familiar with his outbursts.

Castiel's head canted to the side uncomfortably, his brow creasing in confusion. Swiftly, his head snapped to the side as he stared at the right wall. He nodded slowly and then aggressively rotated so he could face his doctor again. Panic pooled in both the doctor and the nurse's stomachs. They knew how hostile Castiel could be and solid rage was set in his eyes. Castiel edged towards them and grabbed the chair, rising it above his head before throwing it across the room. A blood-curdling scream shot out from his raw throat as he fell to the ground shaking.

'I'll get a medic!' Nurse Foreman dashed out of the room to fetch one of the large men. The doctor pinned Castiel's arms down as he tried to control the fit. The patient's legs thrashed and his head shuddered, bright blue eyes rolling. Two medics entered the room, injecting Castiel. More screams left his lips as the staff hastily made their way out of the room and bolted the door behind them.

The medics, Doctor Fuller and Nurse Foreman stood beside the cell entrance panting heavily.

'We gotta get through to Dean..' The nurse gasped out. 'Castiel's too dangerous. We need to cure him quickly.. We don't know how many alternate realities he's got going on in there..'

'I know.. I am just beginning to wonder if this is a lost cause..'

The nurse shout daggers at the doctor. 'We're going to make him better.'

* * *

**I hope this is an alright idea.. I just don't know if I'll be very good on the medical side of things.. But I'm really interested in this kind of thing and I don't know, I guess I really wanted to write a fic about it! Hopefully I'll be able to update soon and I hope you guys like it :) I might change it a bit, I don't know at the moment. Let me know what you think..**


	2. Chapter 2

'Cas! Cas! Wake the fuck up!'

Cas' droopy eyelids cracked open and immediately fluttered closed again as the throb of his pounding headache hit him. He huffed out in pain.

'Come on! Wake up!'

He finally opened his eyes properly and was greeted by a slap around the face from Dean. He flinched away from the man who was dressed in matching white uniform.

'Dean!' Cas screamed in shock.

'You got us put under fucking lock-down!' The look Dean was giving him was murderous. Dean turned his attention swiftly towards the door as it opened slowly and then moved to the back of the room, studying the situation that was about to unravel.

'Hey, Cassy... I popped back from France to see how you were getting on,' Balthazar chuckled nervously at the door. Cas thought it was strange that there were no medics with him; he was completely on his own.

'Brother?'

Balthazar shuffled on his feet before moving towards his brother and couching in front of him. Slowly, Balthazar placed a hand on Cas' skeletal knee. 'I got you this! Let me tell you, procuring it was extremely hard in today's market...' He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a long silver blade, placing it down on Cas' lap.

'An angel blade. Dean and I have come across many of these,' Cas' face shone as he grinned.

'I'm glad you like it little brother,' Balthazar smiled fondly at his younger sibling before noticing that footsteps were coming towards the door. 'Oh, shit, someone's coming.'

Castiel stopped marveling at the beautiful blade and looked up. The door was closed and Balthazar was nowhere to be seen. The cell door opened to reveal Doctor Fuller.

'Did you pass Balthazar on your way out?' Cas asked innocently.

The doctor shut the door with a troubled look on his face. 'Castiel, your brother, Balthazar, has been dead for five years.' Doctor Fuller sighed.

Pain crossed the patient's features. 'But... Balthazar was here and he gave me this blade!' He held up the shiny silver weapon.

'You are not holding anything, Castiel.' The doctor's voice was filled with sympathy for the scrawny man on the floor. He inspected his patient's now distraught face and noticed another mark on his cheek. 'Have you hit yourself again?'

'It was Dean.'

'Castiel, we need to know if you are still harming yourself.'

'It was Dean!' Castiel shouted, trying to stand up but the drugs pinned him down.

'Dean is not real, Castiel. You have to see that.'

A low chuckle reached Cas' ears. Dean moved from his spot in the corner and stood next to the doctor, breathing in his ear. 'You're wrong.' He whispered.

'Castiel!' Doctor Fuller snapped.

Dean grinned widely and Castiel focused of the doctor's now stern face. He knew the doctor had long since lost faith in him; even if he was supposedly completely crazy he could pick up the subtle differences in the older man's demeanour.

'Castiel,' Doctor Fuller murmured, content that he had his patient's attention. 'Tell me more about Dean.'

'Dean's my friend.'

'Friends do not hurt one another.'

'I was wrong to do this to Dean... Dean had the right to...' Cas trailed off as his vision blurred. He focused on the top right hand corner on the cell.

'Castiel, we have to start to progress with your treatment. If it doesn't work... this institution may suffer greatly. Do you understand?'

The doctor waited patiently for Castiel's response.

'I understand.' The whisper escaped the man's lips.

'Good. This is good. Now... please tell me why you hit yourself.' Doctor Fuller placed the tip of his biro on the lined notepad, ready for Castiel's reply.

'Dean did it because I was stupid enough to get us locked in here.'

The doctor rubbed his weary eyes. 'I think that's enough for today. Maybe we can get further tomorrow.'

The man on the floor turned his head and chuckled. 'Jimmy doesn't want you to know about Dean... and neither do I.'

Doctor Fuller stood up and left the cell, leaving Castiel to laugh on the floor and slowly slip into unconsciousness with Dean at his side.


	3. Chapter 3

'Castiel isn't responding to the treatment.. I'm struggling with what to do here..' Doctor Fuller removed his glasses and cleaned them absently.

Nurse Foreman patted the doctor's shoulder. 'I think he needs some time out of the cell, let him talk with the other patients.. Under supervision, of course. I just don't think the isolation's doing him any good.'

'Maybe you're right.. I'll get the medics to send him down to the day room.' The doctor gave the nurse a quick smile before he turned on his heel and made his way towards his office. He had two new patients arriving later on that day and was extremely busy with paperwork.

'Christian?'

'Yeah?' The trainee doctor looked up from his notepad and walked over to the nurse.

'Could you get some of the medics or whoever's available to accompany Castiel Novak to the day room please? I've got to see a patient.'

'Sure.' Christian scribbled something down on the notepad before dashing down the halls.

* * *

Three medics made their way down to Castiel's cell. When they reached it, the patient was facing the wall opposite the door, rocking slowly. When the medics entered the cell they noticed that an seemingly never ending prayer was rushing out of Castiel's lips.

'Oh Lord, oh father, please forgive me for my sins, please forgive me.' Castiel repeated over and over again. The medics wondered if this was progress for Castiel and if he was really coming to terms with the events that had occurred before he had been admitted to the hospital.

Castiel kept mumbling the prayer as the medics lifted him up and supported him as he was guided out of the cell.

He drifted down the halls with the help of the medics and soon found himself in the day room.

'Now, Castiel, we're just going to set you down in a chair. We'll be watching over you if you need anything, okay sweetie?' A blonde haired nurse informed him. He looked up at her blankly before staring at the table in front of him.

The nurse backed away then and stood by the door, watching him. Castiel followed the pattern of the wood with his eyes for what seemed like hours until he felt a presence across from him. He looked up to a see a preppy brunette woman. He was sure he recognised her but couldn't quite place her.

'Hello.' She said confidently. 'Are you Castiel?'

'Yes.' He was minutely surprised but felt he couldn't bring up much energy to react to her business-like attitude.

'I'm Lisa, Lisa Braeden.' She extended her hand out to Castiel and then it clicked. He recognised her from the file he had seen. She was a woman of thirty four who had violently murdered her only son, Ben, six years ago. She had completely blocked it out and had been admitted to the hospital a few months after the murder. No progress had been made, Castiel judged. He returned the gesture anyway, wondering why she'd approached him.

'Well, you already know my name.'

Lisa chuckled and then stared at Castiel with warm brown eyes. 'Are you doing okay? I don't normally see you away from the cell.'

'Apparently I'm crazy.'

Lisa laughed again, continuing to stare at Castiel. 'Do you know why you're here, Castiel?'

'Not exactly.'

'I know.'

Castiel tilted his head slightly, returning her stare. 'Is that so?'

'I don't think the doctors know what to do with you, from what I've heard.. But_ I_ can tell you what they want you to remember.'

Castiel thinks _That's rich, coming from you, the woman who can't even remember murdering her own child._ He keeps his thoughts to himself, however.

'Is that so?' Castiel repeated.

Lisa nodded her head gravely. 'They want you to remember-' A nurse walked up to the table then, cutting Lisa off.

'Lisa, we need to give you your medicine.' She smiled kindly at her patient.

She sighed and bid goodbye to Castiel, a promise in her eyes. Castiel returned to staring at the swirls of the wood on the table, glad to be alone again.

* * *

**I can only hope that this is an alright update. Merry Christmas by the way. I hope I can update more often over the holidays. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I am the mother of procrastination. BUT I WILL GET THIS DONE, I SWEAR.**

**I know that about… three or four months is actually an unacceptable amount of time to have put this off but, you know, I never finish things… So this is at least a little progress, I guess…**

**Not overly happy with how this turned out but I'm writing the next chapter this very second…**

* * *

'Castiel, your medicine.' Nurse Foreman called from across the room. Castiel stood up reluctantly from his normal seat in the day room and shuffled towards the double doors. The nurse stood waiting for him and then led him to the nurse's cubicle, as usual, a bright smile plastered across her face.

'Dean told me that I don't need this. You're numbing me down in here, he _told_ me,' Castiel tapped a skeletal finger to his skull twice and raised his eyebrows.

The nurse responded with a bell-like chuckle, 'Dean's a cheeky one, isn't he.'

'No.'

Castiel's blunt, humourless reply caused her laughter to die down, 'Please take the medicine, Mr Novak. It will make you better. I promise.'

His eyes narrowed as he swallowed the cocktail of pills.

'See? That wasn't so hard!'

After placing a small pat on his shoulder, the nurse left. Castiel cast his gaze over the patients around him, spying Lisa Braeden at his usual table.

'Not bad…' Dean raked his eyes over the petite brunette woman, pouting slightly as he appraised her.

'You shouldn't look at her in that way,'

Dean's laugh rang around the room, his head thrown back. He calmed quickly and looked over at Castiel's concerned expression. 'It's okay, Cas, _you're_ _mine_.'

Shivers ripped their way down Castiel's spine as Dean circled him, his hysteric laughter enveloping Cas once more.

'Lisa!' he shouted across the room. She jumped at the volume of his voice but her smile was warm when she saw him.

'Come here,' she mouthed, gesturing with her hand. Castiel wandered over to her and plopped himself down in his chair.

'Dean likes you,' he whispered, a grin spreading across his face.

She seemed to momentarily freeze before responding, 'I'm sure Dean's wonderful.'

'He is. He likes my wings, Lisa. My wings are powerful.'

'They look it,'

Castiel cocked his head slightly and stared at her, 'You can see them?'

'Yes, Cas.'

He observed that her lips were pressed together tightly and her chocolate brown eyes were no longer warm but sad and pitying. A fire began to bloom in his stomach; a white hot rage forming as he picked up on her lie.

His whole body quivered with anger and Lisa seemed to notice the shift in the atmosphere, 'Now, Castiel, if you get too angry, you know what they'll do to you! Calm down, they only just let you out!' Lisa desperately fluttered her hands over his bony arms in a fruitless attempt to calm him.

'You can't see my wings! You can't see them!' he screamed before clamping his hands around the armrests, his knuckles bone white from the strength of his grip. He shot up into a standing position and sent the piece of wooden furniture flying. His jet black and midnight blue coloured wings rose up impressively behind him, but they were for his and Dean's eyes only. Countless patients flinched around him at the noises and many joined in with his cries of rage. Lisa cowered under the table as Castiel charged through the room. Medics surrounded him as he lashed out at the staff and patients; if anyone noticed his voice climb an octave as he became Jimmy, no one questioned it as they injected him and forced him into a drug induced sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Two updates in two days, I'M IMPROVING... sorta...**

* * *

The sound of the lock clicking caused Castiel to sit upright. Dean loomed over him, monitoring his every move with a sinister grin on his face. A calloused hand brushed through Castiel's hair as he stared intently at the white metal opening.

'Castiel?' a slightly weathered version of an eerily familiar voice asked. A face appeared then and Castiel knew who it was. 'Hello, Castiel. My name is Sam Wesson, I'm going to be your new counsellor.' A wide grin lit up the man's face.

'S-Sam?'

'Yes. I came here to introduce myself and… get to know you a bit better.'

He was an older Sam Winchester. He wore half-moon spectacles that were perched halfway down his nose and a light sprinkle of greying stubble glazed his jaw. The man's forehead had lines that told a story of each of his patients, each strand of grey hair on his head an indicator of his age and stress levels. His otherwise brown hair reached his jacket clothed shoulders and his toned torso was concealed by a beige sweater over a checked shirt.

'I imagine that this is what you would have become if you'd completed law school, Sam,' Cas whispered as he took in Sam's appearance.

The other man raised an eyebrow in confusion, 'I don't quite know what you mean.'

'Sam Winchester.'

'Oh, sorry, you may have misheard me, it's _Wesson_.'

'Dean only wants the best for you, Sammy. He loves you, Sammy. He'd do anything for you, Sammy. He'll kill the devil for you, _Sammy_!'

Understanding replaced the confusion as Sam entered the room fully and sat in the chair in the corner.

'Is this Sam and Dean from your dream?'

Castiel shot a murderous look at the other man, 'Dream?'

'Yes, Castiel. Your doctor, Doctor… Fuller? He was explaining your situation to me.'

'I think we've got this covered, Sammy,' Dean piped up from where he was leaning against the wall, now as far away from the Sam Winchester doppelganger as possible.

'We don't need you,' Castiel hissed.

Sam's lips pressed into a thin line and his shoulders heaved a sigh.

'Mr Novak, I think I could truly help you. I need you to work with me, but I could help. I'm only here to listen-'

'That's what all the others say, Sam,'

'I know, I know. I'm just saying that... I-' Sam cut himself off, searching for the correct words. 'Tell me about Jimmy.'

The subject came as a shock to Castiel who simply stared at the taller man with uncertainty. His head shook slightly before he lunged forward, 'You're not out to get us, are you? Not like the others, are you?'

'Jimmy?'

The smaller man exhaled heavily, 'Sam, answer me.'

'Of course I'm not. I'm here to help.'

A sharp bark of laughter left Jimmy's lips. He began to pace around the room, tapping a single digit to his chapped lips.

'So how are you going to deal with Castiel then, Sam? You see, Castiel's troubled.'

'I'm here to listen. I'm here to help, that's all.' Sam gestured with his hands before slapping them back down on his jean clad thighs. His eyes followed Jimmy's movements with interest.

'Do you miss me, Sam?' Dean's strained, hoarse voice sounded from the corner. Sam didn't respond, eyes still on Jimmy.

'You've done a lot of bad, Sam. I don't feel inclined to trust you.'

'I don't believe we've met before, Jimmy.' Sam's hands inched toward his jacket pocket to pull out his notepad and pen discreetly.

'Of course we have! Or course, of course, of _course_.'

**_Jimmy and Castiel – Sam Winchester_**

**_Trust issues – paranoia, staff – 'out to get us like the others'_**

Sam's hand flew across the page as he noted down important sections of the conversation.

'How much can you tell me about what happened, Jimmy?'

Jimmy ceased his pacing and Dean stood up a little straighter. Both sets of eyes bore into Sam's.

'Castiel didn't do it, you know,' Jimmy said defensively.

'Didn't do what?'

'Kill. He would never kill. He loved- loved him, greatly. Loved him _greatly_. Do not think ill of Cas,'

'How did Castiel know Balthazar, Jimmy?'

'_Stop_!'

'I need to know, Jimmy. You need to tell me.'

'He can still block it out, he can still keep it away, you don't need to mention his name, stop _now_!' Jimmy screamed, fists balling at his sides. Dean edged even further away, a grimace pulling at the corners of his lips.

'Who was Balthazar, Jimmy?'

Jimmy let out a shriek and dived at Sam. The taller man dodged Jimmy's attack and pinned him down, gaining the upper hand. He called for the medics, keeping his hands locked around the thrashing patient's arms. Nurses and medics entered the cell-like room and tended to the patient.

Sam's breathing was laboured as he kept his eyes locked on the scene in front of him. Castiel's case was a dangerous one, but he'd gained a reaction and was willing to keep pushing.


	6. Chapter 6

'Castiel? May I sit with you?' Lisa asked timidly. The ill man nodded an affirmative without looking at her.

'Castiel…' Lisa started again. She sounded like she was treading on eggshells with her wording and that annoyed Cas to the point where he began to shake.

'What?'

'I wanted to talk again about… why you're here.'

'I have no need to be on these premises, Lisa. I think you understand.'

'No, Castiel. You do. And I need to tell you. They're keeping it from you because… they want _you _to remember on your own.'

'My memory is intact, thank you, Lisa.'

'No!' She barked. A cough left her lips and she lowered her voice, 'Castiel, you need to know why you're here and then you can get out. I can help you get out!' She let out a short, hysteric laugh and bared her straight white teeth in a gleeful manner.

Cas raised his eyes to meet hers and she flinched back at the coldness of his irises.

'Jesus Christ, lady, the fuck are you on about?! Cas ain't insane, sugar.'

Dean's teeth clacked together each time he chewed his gum. He smiled at Lisa, coating on sickly charm.

'Dean, please,' Cas whispered, cheeks heating up with embarrassment.

'What did you say?' Lisa asked, eyebrows lifting slightly.

'I wasn't _talking_ to _you_,' Castiel spat. She winced at his tone but continued to stare.

'I only want to help you.'

'Hey, Cas, look! This one's caring _and_ hot. Hmm… Psycho Mommy not doin' it for you?' Dean made a clicking sound with his tongue and pulled up a chair, straddling it and leaning his arms on the back.

'Your help is not wanted.'

Lisa let out a deep sigh, 'I'm not giving up.'

'It seems you've invested yourself in a hopeless case,' Castiel ground out, keeping his electric blue eyes on Lisa's warm brown ones.

Lisa finally buckled under the intensity of Cas' gaze and eventually got up and left.

'Well, now she's gone we can have some fun!' Dean clapped his hands together and stood, making his way over to the large box in the corner of the room. Cas followed Dean's movements with solid concentration.

'Hey, Cas, how about some Twister? I bet your scrawny ass could bust a few moves!' Dean grinned, his jaws snapping as he chewed absently at his gum.

'Dean, stop behaving in such a _juvenile_ manner!' Castiel hissed from his position in the old wooden chair. Dean stared back, wide eyed, for a moment before rummaging around in the dusty games box a second time.

A ghost of a smile pulled at Dean's lips as his muscular arms came into contact with the game he'd been searching for. He straightened up once more, a plump pout settling on his mouth as he held up the box for Cas to see:

_Sorry!_

* * *

**And I too ****am so sorry for how brief the update is. I feel I've neglected all my fics, I'm such an idiot I keep starting new ones asdfghjkl. I am HOPING the next update won't be so delayed as well.**


	7. Chapter 7

Two knocks sounded on the cell door, stirring Castiel from his light sleep. He groaned and pushed at Dean, creating space in between them.

'Hi, Castiel,' Sam said from the door, entering fully.

'I do not wish to converse with you.'

Sam closed the door behind him and looked down at the patient, 'You don't have to talk, Castiel. Not if you don't want to.'

Castiel glanced up at Sam; he looked like a concerned puppy with his brow wrinkled and a soft pout puckering his lips.

Dean and Cas wore matching frowns and Castiel turned to the other man, silently asking if he were allowed to talk.

'Nah, dude, I don't trust this Sammy. He's shady.'

Cas nodded and then squinted up at the tall man.

'Do you remember Balthazar at all?' Sam asked, sitting down in the corner of the room, diving straight into his questioning.

'Don't answer, he's tricking you,' Dean whispered in Castiel's ear. He pushed up off the floor and began to walk the perimeter of the room, his usual action when a doctor came to talk to Castiel.

With his lips pressed into a firm line, not allowing any words to fall out, Castiel sat up and stared at the padded ceiling.

'Balthazar was your brother, wasn't he?' Sam pushed.

'Yes,' Castiel replied, voice scratchy. Dean sprang forward and shoved Castiel back, forcing him to lie down again.

'Shut the fuck up, Cas,' Dean warned, spitting the words out through gritted teeth.

'I only want to talk, Dean.'

A smile edged across Castiel's lips and he stared into Dean's fiery eyes. The fire went out and Dean let go of the material of the patient's shirt, backing away and leaning against the wall. His eyes never left Castiel as he stood, playing absently with the amulet that hung around his neck.

'Good. That's good.'

Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out his notepad and pen.

Castiel rolled over, eyes focused on Dean, 'I miss him.'

'Why do you miss him, Castiel?'

Tears prickled Castiel's eyes and he didn't bother wiping them away as they began to spill, 'He does not visit me anymore. He thinks ill of me, Sam.'

The older man looked at the sobbing patient with pity. 'Where do you think your brother is now?'

'I don't know.'

Sam scribbled down the answer before tapping the pen against his stubbled chin.

'I really would like to know,' Castiel whispered, curling in on himself. Dean silently made his way over to Cas, pulling him close.

'Cas, don't let him do this to you. You don't need to talk.'

The husky sound of Dean's voice was soothing and he burrowed further into his chest, clutching at the fabric of his white uniform.

'I do, Dean, I do.'

'Is Dean _here_?' Sam questioned, eyebrows raised.

'Of course he's here,' Cas mumbled into Dean's skin.

Sam wrote down more on his notepad, eyebrows drawn together in concentration. 'What's Dean saying to you?'

'Baby, don't tell him, don't tell him, Cas,' Dean whispered into his hair.

'I won't,' Castiel replied quietly. 'He isn't saying anything, Sam.'

The doctor nodded, setting down his pen and notepad on his thighs. He decided to abruptly change the subject, hoping to shock a useful response out of Castiel.

'Castiel… do you have any recollection of the night your brother passed?'

'My brother passed?'

Sam fixed Castiel with a sympathetic stare, not speaking.

'_My brother passed_? What does that mean?' Cas tried again, sitting up with Dean clinging to his waist. Rage shook his body as he took in the calm, unresponsive doctor, 'Sammy, what does that mean?'

'Sammy?' Sam asked quietly.

'What does that mean?!' Castiel repeated, voice quaking with anger.

'Shh, Cas, it's alright, Cas, calm down,' Dean pleaded from his position on the floor, 'Come on, man.'

'This man is implying that my brother is deceased, Dean!' Castiel shrieked, jabbing an accusatory finger in Sam's direction.

'I know, I know, and it's okay! Hey, Cas, you wanna go hunting with me? Come on, let's go huntin'!' A wild, hopeful grin lit up Dean's face as he spoke.

Cas cocked his head to the side, 'What would we hunt, Dean?'

'I hear there's a Wendigo knockin' about in Blackwater Ridge,' Dean's voice broke on some of the words, desperation colouring his tone.

'How do you plan on destroying it, Dean?' Castiel suddenly perked up, a blinding grin stretching across his lips, matching Dean's. He knew how to, of course, he just wished to hear it from the man who had taught him how.

'Gonna torch the sucker, ain't that right, Cas? Gonna light 'im up,' Dean stroked Castiel's rough cheek as he talked, a terrifying glint in his eyes.

'Yes, Dean. Would an angel have the ability to kill one?'

'Course it would.'

Castiel's smile softened at the growing gentleness of Dean's tone. 'I'd like that,' he uttered, leaning in closer to Dean.

'Good, Cas, that's great. Just go to sleep. Shh, Cas, go to sleep,' Dean said, pulling the other man closer to his body, wrapping his arms around the Castiel's smaller frame.

'Okay, Dean,' Cas murmured, eyelids fluttering closed.

Dean continued the calming motion of combing his fingers through Castiel's dark, mussed hair. The hallucination was glad he'd kept Jimmy at bay and stopped Cas' anger from blossoming into something dangerous.

Sam watched Castiel lean into an invisible figure. Castiel's mind had once again closed itself off, refusing to accept the information. Sam reached for his writing equipment as he observed the now sleeping man, jotting down everything. Castiel stayed upright even in his slumber, still leaning as if he were being supported by another being. Quietly, Sam stood and left the cell, readying himself to share the development with Doctor Fuller.

* * *

'Doctor Wesson! How can I help you?' Doctor Fuller greeted.

'Hey, uh, I was just in with Castiel,' Sam said, taking a seat across from the older man.

'Ah, Castiel, yes. Any progression?' Doctor Fuller asked, shuffling through some paperwork in front of him, peering at Sam over his glasses.

'Well… I managed to find a little more out about Dean.'

Doctor Fuller paused, placing his paperwork down, 'Dean?'

'Yes, I think he's more of a constant hallucination than you first thought. See, Castiel seemed to be in his presence even when unconscious.'

'Well, that's quite common among patients here, Sam. Did you find anything more about Balthazar and the case?'

'Uh, no, he seemed entirely oblivious to even his brother's death. As far as I can tell, he still thinks he's alive an' kickin'.'

Sam cleared his throat and shifted nervously under the doctor's scrutiny.

'That's unfortunate. Still no improvement…'

'I don't think so. However, I do believe Castiel is a fascinating case and… with a little more work I think I could find out more.'

Doctor Fuller sighed and removed his glasses, pressing his fingers into the sockets, lightly massaging.

'Castiel's case has been on-going for years, Mr Wesson. I hope you understand this.'

'Oh, yes, of course.'

'My best trained doctors couldn't get to him. You're more or less our last hope. Castiel's brain is… extremely complex and… well, I just hope you can fix him.'

Sam sagged slightly under the pressure, 'I hope so too.' His reply was sincere and optimistic, eliciting a small smile to break out on the other doctor.

'Well, thank you for today, Sam,' Doctor Fuller said, standing up and offering his hand. Sam gripped it and shook. 'I'll see you tomorrow.'

'Sure, thanks.'

Sam gave the doctor a tight lipped smile before making his way out of the door and through the hospital. Orderlies and medics scurried past him, attending to patients, countless bodies passed by him, demanding even the smallest flicker of attention with their movement however all the doctor's thoughts were focused on one patient. Castiel's case intrigued him and he was determined to figure out the younger man. Sam's mind was consumed with thoughts and plans for the patient as he got in his car and drove back to his small apartment. His wasn't going to give up on the killer easily.


	8. Chapter 8

**So yeah, this is the chapter with rape in it. It's not spoken about in detail, simply said that it happened in the past but I thought I should warn anyway.**

* * *

'Crowley. He… He raped me. I was damaged,' Cas found himself whispering hoarsely.

'Cas, no,' Dean's voice was strained as he reached out to the trembling man.

'When I came home… Balthazar was… he was teasing m-me.'

Silent tears rolled down Castiel's cheeks as he stared absently at the floor.

'Castiel? Are you still with me?' Sam asked softly. The patient lifted his head slowly and stared at Sam.

'Y…Yes.'

'You're doing good. _Really_ good.'

'Sure I am, Doc.' Weak sarcasm was infused with his words but even he knew it wasn't effective; he sounded frail and broken.

'Cas, _please_,' Dean begged, fisting his hands in Cas' hair.

'Let me, Dean, please let me.'

'But, Jimmy, Jimmy won't like it, Cas.'

Castiel cast his watery eyes over to Dean, 'I don't mind, Dean. I don't mind at all.'

A broken sob flew out of Dean's mouth and he simply scrunched his eyes closed and gripped Castiel harder, almost painfully.

'Castiel? Is Dean preventing you from sharing your thoughts?'

Cas turned his attention to the tired looking doctor. He noticed an interested glint in his eyes however, so decided to appease the man, 'He is merely warning me, Doc. He's concerned for my safety.'

Sam nodded slowly, writing the answer down on the crinkled paper.

'Cas, please don't, Jimmy-'

'I know, Dean, it's okay,' Castiel shot him a feeble smile in reassurance before turning back to the doctor in the corner of the room. Finding strength in Dean's warmth, Castiel pushed on, the mental wall his brain had created beginning to crumble. 'Balthazar angered me.'

'What happened then, after Balthazar teased you?'

Castiel looked desperately into Dean's eyes, searching the bright green irises. There was water playing at the edges of them, threatening to overflow. Cas' heart clenched and he powered on.

'I… My mind appears to be blank from that moment on. I simply remember going into the kitchen and looking at the knives for a long while. I don't remember anything after that until I was placed in a jail cell.'

Sam's eyes opened wide and his hand flew across the paper as he recorded the new information.

'So you didn't kill Balthazar?'

'No. Of course not, he… He's my brother!' Castiel's voice was wrecked and it broke at certain points, Dean squeezing his body harder each time.

'Do you feel better now?'

'Excuse me?' Cas asked, wiping at his damp cheeks.

'Opening up about the night of the incident. Do you feel better?'

Castiel looked down at his hands, 'No.'

'Oh?' Sam's voice was confused and he wrote down every detail he could.

'No. Because now Jimmy's incredibly angry,' Cas smiled, baring his teeth.

Sam flinched back, 'I think we've worked through enough for today, Castiel. You did very well and we can continue tomorrow.'

'Oh, you're not going anywhere, Sam.' Castiel's voice changed dramatically becoming higher and disturbingly serene. Dean dropped his hands from around the man and backed away, curling up in the corner of the room.

Sam stood up and hurriedly grabbed his things, dashing to the door.

'You've hurt poor Castiel, I _explicitly_ told you not to! You _promised_!' Jimmy roared, jumping to his feet and pouncing forward, ready to grab onto the material of Sam's jacket. Sam was quick, however, and managed to escape, shutting the door firmly behind him. His breathing was laboured and he closed his eyes against the feral shouts coming from the man in the cell. He began to stride down the hall, alerting medics, nurses and orderlies on the ward of the situation. He didn't bother knocking when he reached Doctor Fuller's office.

* * *

'Get off me you animals!' Jimmy screeched, overriding the sound of Dean's quiet cries in the corner.

'Calm down, Castiel!' the nurse, Naomi, shouted, trying to be heard.

'Oh, Castiel went out for a little while. Says he'll send you a postcard, _bitch_,' Jimmy hissed. Naomi's eyes widened, livid.

'Give him the drugs,' Naomi directed emotionlessly. After giving her a firm nod, Christian left the room to get the medicine. Jimmy's lithe, skinny body writhed under the arms that were pinning him down, surely giving the fragile arms bruises.

'No, no, please don't,' Dean whispered, tears dripping down his cheeks. The hallucination looked innocent and scared, watching Castiel being put under, his usual bravado gone.

'Okay, he should be gone in a few minutes,' Christian informed, looking down at the squirming patient in a condescending manner.

'Excellent. Well, gentlemen, we should leave Castiel to calm down now,' Naomi said, voice irritatingly cool.

The men let go of Castiel and left the room, Jimmy trying to get Castiel's body to chase after them. The drugs dumbed him down, however and he found himself receding back into the corners of Castiel's mind. Dean crawled forward, eyes red and puffy as they skimmed over Cas.

'Cas, you there?'

The body below him didn't respond so he pulled him to rest on his legs, stroking through his hair in a familiar way.

* * *

'Doctor Fuller!' Sam announced, breathless. The doctor in front of him jumped and took in the ruffled man in front of him.

'Sam, please sit.'

'I have some improvement with Castiel, I think you'll be pleased to know.'

Doctor Fuller's eyebrows shot up and he removed his glasses, regarding Sam in a different light.

'Please do share your findings.'

'Castiel was not aware of killing Balthazar as we already knew but it was definitely a product of his schizophrenia. He wasn't aware of anything from the point he returned home to the time he was placed in jail.'

Doctor Fuller nodded, 'Is there anything else?'

'Well… I know what caused him to kill Balthazar.'

'And?'

'He was raped by a man named Crowley earlier that evening and Balthazar was teasing him, I believe. I think that's what provoked the reaction out of Castiel and why 'Jimmy' emerged.'

'It's truly remarkable that you got this out of Castiel, Sam.' Doctor Fuller's face was full of respect and hope as he looked at Sam. 'I'd lost faith in the case but… he seems to open up to you. Do you have any idea why that may be?'

Sam searched his brain before replying, 'When I first introduced myself, Castiel assumed that I was Sam Winchester. The Sam Winchester in his mind but… older? I think the familiarity caused him to respond.'

'Fascinating…' The doctor's lips pulled up in a small smile. 'Thank you, Sam, your work is… more than appreciated. I hope you wish to continue with the case? Find out more about the events of the night. I feel you're more than capable of finding the answers.'

Sam grinned, excited, 'Yes, of course.'

'If you wouldn't mind, would you leave your notes with me to review?'

'Oh, sure,' Sam said, hair flying as he searched his pockets for the notes. He handed them over willingly, standing up and making his way to the door.

'Thank you, Doctor Wesson,' Doctor Fuller repeated, this time with more gratitude and respect in his tone.

Sam inclined his head a little before leaving the room. He heaved a breath and made his way out of the building, his thoughts focused on his troubled patient as usual.

* * *

Castiel came to in Dean's arms, the sweet sound of his voice reaching his ears. Hey Jude seemed to be a song Dean reverted to when looking for comfort.

'Dean?' Castiel's cracked voice asked.

Dean's eyes flicked downwards, looking happily at Castiel's face. He cradled the sick man to his chest and breathed out a sigh of relief.

'Dude, you don't know how happy I am to see you right now.'

'You've been seeing me this whole time, Dean.'

'Yeah but… You're awake! And man, that last session… Thought you were gonna break.'

'I can't break if I'm already broken, Dean,' Castiel replied matter-of-factly.

Dean chuckled, a dark sounding noise, 'Hell yeah you are, Cas.' He planted a kiss on the man's head and hugged him tighter.

The thin patient let out a long exhale and let sleep claim him once more.

'Cas, why don't you use your angel mojo to zap us to ghost town, huh?' Hunter Dean laughed.

Castiel smiled in his sleep and let himself be consumed by the dream.


	9. Chapter 9

'Now, as Doctor Fuller tells me, I understand you drew a picture of Dean before? This was, what, a year or so ago?'

Castiel dipped his head, hiding his eyes from Sam. 'Yes. Jimmy didn't like it.'

Sam nodded, jotting down the response. 'Okay. Well, Jimmy seems more willing to cooperate now, doesn't he?'

A frown adorned Cas' features. 'I wouldn't test 'im, Doc.'

'Could we try?' Sam asked, fishing out a second notepad and pencil from his large jacket pocket. Castiel 'tsked' and shook his head in resignation. Sam pushed the blank paper toward Cas across the padded floor, careful not to get too close as Castiel never reacted well to that.

'I want you to draw me like one of your French girls, Jack.' Dean's grin was huge as he sprawled himself out for Castiel.

Castiel cocked his head to the side, 'My name is Castiel, Dean.'

Dean's laugh boomed, crowding the room with sound. 'Whatever. You better make me look fucking _flawless_.'

'My drawing skills are rather… limited.'

Sam watched the one sided exchange with interest, noting the lighter atmosphere between Castiel and his hallucination.

'Come on, dude! You're like freakin' Picasso- okay, maybe that's not so great. You gotta at least get my nose the right way up.'

'I understand your knowledge of Picasso's work is far from ample?'

'Hey, man, my knowledge is based on your knowledge.' Dean winked.

Castiel rolled his eyes and inhaled deeply, eyeing the notepad as if it had offended him.

'Castiel?' Sam called his attention. 'All you need to do is give me a… a brief look at what you're seeing.'

Cas frowned but picked up the pencil and pad, tongue sticking out in concentration as he quickly sketched the outline of Dean's head. 'Dean, please keep still.'

Dean's restless form sagged as he exhaled. 'Jesus, this is boring.'

'I've been drawing for four seconds, Dean, stop being so impatient,' Cas murmured, focusing on the line of Dean's jaw. Castiel scowled at the sound of Sam's small chuckle but continued to draw. Dean pulled a pouty pose, eyes on Castiel the entire time. Castiel didn't exactly need Dean to pose, he had every detail of Dean committed to memory, every freckle, every fleck in his irises, everything. Once his drawing was complete, labels of colouring and all, he handed the paper back to Sam and folded his hands in his lap, awaiting a response. He felt calmer and also happy for the opportunity to draw Dean.

'Christ, I look _hot_,' Dean said as he sidled up to Cas.

'Modesty is a virtue, Dean.'

'What's he saying?' Sam asked as his eyes skimmed over the detailed illustration.

Castiel turned his gaze to Sam, studying him as he in turn studied the picture. 'He is commenting on how atheistically pleasing he looks.'

'Aw, man, _Cas_! Why'd you have to douche up everything I say?' Dean groaned. Castiel didn't answer, choosing to look at Sam.

'This is very good, Castiel. _Very_ good.'

Sam's quiet words caused Castiel to shift closer to Dean, not knowing how to deal with them.

'Say thank you,' Dean snapped, mood shifting quickly. He slapped Castiel's arm, the flesh turning instantly pink under the power of his palm.

'Hey, hey, hey! Castiel!' Sam's worried voice reached Cas' ears and he hung his head, keeping his gaze away from Dean. Dean hadn't been angry in a long while and Castiel had just been getting used to his carefree attitude. Castiel looked back up at Dean and caught the look of guilt in his eyes just before it vanished, his lips pressed in a hard line.

'Castiel, why did you just hurt yourself?' Sam asked, voice low.

'Don't say anything, Castiel.' The patient flinched at the sound of his full name coming from Dean's lips.

'I thought… A bug…' His clipped excuse was weak but he couldn't bring himself to blame Dean.

Sam nodded but his look was unconvinced. He returned to his seat having lunged forward to see to his patient. He chose to bring the topic back to Dean. 'So, do you see Dean a lot?'

'He's here almost constantly.'

Dean glared at Castiel, angry that he was supplying Sam with more information than just the image of his face. 'I thought I told you I don't trust old man Sammy.'

'Okay, Castiel. You've done _brilliantly_ today. Thank you for showing me Dean.'

Castiel smiled at the sincerity in Sam's voice which only earned a deadly glower from Dean. Castiel cowered away from it, closing in on himself.

'Thank you, Sam,' Cas addressed the doctor, voice hoarse and scared. Sam nodded at him before exiting the cell and locking it behind him.

'Are you okay, Cas?' Dean sounded timid as he edged towards the vulnerable patient.

'You scared me, Dean.'

'I know, baby, I know. I don't want Jimmy here though. You gotta understand why, Cas, please.' Dean's voice was so much softer than before, concerned for Cas and begging.

The nod Castiel gave him was small but inviting, allowing Dean to come closer. 'Okay, Dean.'

The two broken men sat close together in the centre of the cell, not speaking and not needing to.

* * *

The picture of Castiel's Dean was burned into Sam's retinas from the sheer amount of time he had spent looking at it since the previous day, trying to decipher where he'd seen the face before, how it had once seemed so insignificant but how he was now in such desperate need to find out who it was. The computer flicked through the hacked database, countless people lighting up the screen with images of their faces. Sam sat back, breathing wearily. The system had been at it for hours and he'd been sat to witness it, becoming more restless by the second. The computer beeped suddenly, causing Sam to bolt upright and then lean forward, eagerly drinking in the program's findings.

'I don't believe it,' Sam gasped, dropping his coffee mug the short distance from his hand to the desk, some of the liquid escaping the confines of the cup and splattering the wood. He shot up out of his chair and grabbed his briefcase, making his way back to the hospital in a hurry, impatient to share the newfound information with the other doctors.

* * *

'Dean Smith. An old lover of Castiel's. He matches Castiel's drawing of _mirage_-Dean to a tee.' Sam scrubbed his calloused hand over the growing stubble on his jaw, looking at the file on the computer monitor. The face that stared back at him was Castiel's sketch in the flesh through pixels. 'I'm assuming he was before the Crowley ordeal.'

'I can't _believe_ we didn't think of this before, of looking it up,' Doctor Fuller said from behind Sam, voice filled with annoyance.

'How do you know he was an old lover?' Nurse Foreman asked from the back of the room.

'Well… it's pretty damn obvious, isn't it? I need to track him down for confirmation…'

'Wait a minute, if you don't know for sure then-'

'But you can't ignore that he's a real person, Doctor!' Sam burst out. He sighed, 'Look, Castiel's based this hallucination on reality. I don't know why I come into play, why Castiel has included me in his alternate reality, but I'm getting to the bottom of this case, okay? So _please_, would you help me track down Dean Smith?'

Sam faced Doctor Fuller, eyes burning into the other man's. The older doctor exhaled loudly, 'Yes, of course we'll help. Of course.'

'Thank you.'

'He's gonna be a bitch to find, I bet,' Nurse Foreman piped up, bluntly. 'But yeah, I'm in, Wesson.'

Sam smiled fondly at the younger nurse and stood up, regarding both of the room's occupants before moving to leave the room.

'Oh, Sam?'

'Yeah?'

'Look… I think it's best that you don't consult Castiel about this just yet. He's rather distressed and I think it would be good to find out a little more background information from Dean himself before going in.'

'Yes, that… yeah, I'll do that. Thank you, doctor.'

Doctor Fuller nodded and then turned back to his desk, effectively dismissing all further conversation. Sam left the room with a little more hope settled in his chest.

* * *

**Thank you TrulyMetalwings for the drawing idea :)**


	10. Chapter 10

'Dean, Dean, Dean! I'm going to have to put you on a leash!' Jimmy chuckled, rocking slightly on the padded floor, burying his face in Castiel's knees.

'Hey, Castiel,' Nurse Foreman greeted whilst slowly opening the door to his cell.

Jimmy's head snapped up, his eyes becoming slits. 'Where's Sam?'

The nurse didn't reply, kneeling down in front of the patient and shining a torch in each of his eyes. Jimmy flinched back, blindly throwing his fists around, praying to make contact with supple flesh.

'Where's Sam?!' the patient demanded.

'Sam's visiting someone.'

Jimmy's eyes narrowed and he tensed up, letting the nurse continue her check.

'Is he bored of Castiel?'

Nurse Foreman paused and looked up into her patient's eyes. '_You're_ Castiel.'

Jimmy gasped and suddenly his body shook, Jimmy withdrawing into Castiel's mind. 'I'm Castiel?'

The nurse nodded and smiled, patting his cheek lightly before getting up and leaving the cell. Cas' head lolled back and he hit the ground, falling into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Sam approached the smooth oak door and knocked on it twice, pulling out his notebook and identification. It took a few moments for the man in Cas' drawing to answer. A small smirk was on his face when the door swung open and his tie was loose.

'Hello?' Dean asked, looking the doctor up and down, assessing him with a confused expression.

'Dean Smith?' Sam asked, expending his free hand for Dean to cautiously shake. 'My name is Sam Wesson, I'm in charge of Castiel Novak's case.'

Dean's eyes widened and he stepped back slightly. 'Cas…' he gasped, 'Cas is… Cas is _dead_?'

Sam's brow furrowed as he clarified. 'No, Mr Smith, I'm Castiel's _doctor_. He's currently at Danvers State Hospital.'

Dean looked bewildered. 'The… the… ya know…' Dean whispered, making a circular motion next to the side of his head with his finger. 'The… for the crazies?'

Sam smiled a smile devoid of joy or mirth. 'That's a rather unethical way of putting it. But he's there seeking treatment for a number of disorders.'

'And what's that gotta do with me?'

The doctors eyes shone as he looked at the shorter man. 'Mr Smith, I'm going to have to ask if I can come in to discuss this further.'

Dean hesitated for a moment, pursing his lips, before he opened the door wider and stepped aside.

'You have a lovely home,' Sam commented.

'Uh, thanks, but… enough with the pleasantries.'

'As you wish,' Sam said, moving into what he assumed to be the living area. 'Do you live with anyone currently?'

'No. No, not since… not since Cas.' Dean wiped his hands nervously on his suit trousers. He sighed a small, humourless chuckle and took a seat in one of the two armchairs. Sam soon followed suit. 'We went to college together and, uh… we just clicked, I guess. Straight out of college we moved in together and then… well, it was amazing. _He _was amazing. But I fucked up, I guess.'

'How so?' Sam asked. His eyebrows rose as he jotted down Dean's comments.

Dean rubbed a hand over his tired face. 'Just… it was my sister's birthday and Cas couldn't go, said he was ill or something. He'd been depressed before so I thought he meant that. I nearly stayed home with him to make sure he didn't do anything but… he forced me out.

'Anyway, I got there and, uh, there were a _lot_ of hot girls… and I did miss girls, ya know? I mean, I fucking loved Cas with _everything_ but…' Dean gestured, finishing the sentence. 'I cheated on him. I was drunk as hell, too. He found out because Jo thought he deserved to know the truth and… he told me to get out, didn't matter that I still loved him, that I didn't know what I'd do without him… and I never saw him… never saw him again.'

The pain in Dean's eyes was raw and Sam almost pitied him.

'Sorry, who's Jo?'

'Oh, that's my sister. Yeah. I told her what I did and she… she wouldn't let me keep it from him.'

Sam nodded as he continued to scribble on the notepad.

Dean cleared his throat. 'So, uh, do you want some coffee or somethin'?'

'That would be great, thanks.'

'Lemme guess, you're the kind that take loads of cream and a shit ton of sugar?'

Sam smiled and ducked his head. 'How did you know?'

'Eh… you just look the type,' Dean explained, making his way to the kitchen.

'What do you mean I 'look the type'?' Sam called after him. Dean simply laughed and the sound was followed by the clatter of china and spoons. Sam tapped his pen against the pad in a consistent rhythm as he waited, his eyes scanning the room and evaluating. His gaze eventually landed on a photograph on the mantelpiece. After a sharp intake of breath he lunged forward and grabbed it, bringing it close to his face.

'You okay there, man?' Dean asked, voice suddenly behind the doctor. Sam's head snapped up and he almost dropped the frame.

'Huh? Oh yeah, I'm good… when was this taken?'

Dean racked his brain. 'Well… that's me 'n Cas when we met… must've been about… nine years ago?'

'I was there! That's where I knew you from!'

'Pardon?' Dean placed the two mugs of coffee on the side table and scanned over the photograph himself.

'I recognised your face when Castiel drew it.'

'Castiel… drew me? Why?' Dean's eyebrows mashed together and he looked at Sam for answers.

'I have a lot of explaining to do, Mr Smith. But first I must ask… was this Duncan and Barnes' party?'

'Yeah! Yeah. Where me 'n Cas met. You were there?'

'Yeah, pretty sure.'

'Huh. I was nineteen then.'

'I was twenty six.'

'And… _why_ were you at a college frat party.'

'Anyone can go to college, Dean.'

'Yeah, but, this was like… how to put this nicely… it was _uncool_ of you to be _there_.'

'Hey!'

Dean bit back a laugh before guiding Sam back to the chairs. 'So you said… you said Cas drew me?'

Sam gulped down a sip of coffee before turning to face Dean in the chair. 'Castiel has been at the hospital for five years. He has been emotionally and mentally unstable for that time. Do you know why he was admitted?'

Dean shook his head slowly, taking a generous swig from his own mug.

'Castiel murdered his brother Balthazar.'

Dean spluttered and coughed. 'What?' he asked, voice hoarse.

'On the night of the incident, Castiel was raped by a man he named Crowley. He was in a bad emotional state and we think his schizophrenia is to blame for his brother's murder.'

'Wait- _schizophrenia_?'

'Would you like me to name Castiel's disorders?'

'Uh, no, no, I just… I never realised he…'

'It only became evident he was unstable when he was placed in jail.'

'Cas has been to jail? Fuck,' Dean cursed, running a hand through his short hair.

'I take it you lost touch?'

'Well, yeah. After I told him… he didn't want anything to do with me. He told me to get lost and I did, thinking he needed to cool off for a little while or something, but when I went back to the house a couple of weeks later he was just… _gone_.'

'I'm sorry you lost him.'

'Nah, don't worry. I fuckin' deserved it. I should never have… Well, anyway, he… he killed Balthazar?'

'Yes. But, as I said before, the emotional trauma of the rape brought on his schizophrenia, we believe. He doesn't remember killing his brother. His schizophrenia is still a problem, he punishes himself a lot, gets lost within himself. He's a very troubling case… but _intriguing_.'

'Hey! Cas isn't a fucking scientific project, he's a person!'

'I know that, of course I know that, but, from a medical point of view, he's a very complex and interesting case.'

Dean nodded slowly and lowered his head. 'Is he still thin?'

'He suffers from anorexia nervosa, yes.'

'He was thin when I knew him. Couldn't get him to eat a damn thing most nights.'

'That's still a problem for us at the hospital. We mostly have to rely on supplements. I'm happy to say he seems to be improving now that I've taken over his case, however.'

Dean's face was etched with grief and he scratched the back of his neck. 'Shit… so… if you don't mind me asking, where do I come into play?'

Sam ducked his head and pocketed his notepad, staring at Dean. 'Castiel has hallucinations. Sometimes we can't draw him back from the dream world he's created. You and I are part of the hallucination. You're a constant, however. Castiel interacts with the hallucination based on your image the most, is comforted by it and also scared by it. I asked him to draw what the vision looked like, he mentioned the name Dean a lot and also a Sam character who Castiel describes as looking like a younger version of me. After he presented me with the drawing I scanned it and… I found you. I assumed you were a past lover.'

Dean reddened slightly but ultimately punched the armrest and violently sat back in the chair. 'Shit. I can't believe… Oh my god.'

'Dean, may I ask when you and Castiel broke up?'

'Uh… it was when we were twenty three. That's when it happened. Probably just before the… the murder.'

'Your relationship with Castiel sounded serious.'

'It was… hell, we were even thinking about next stage stuff. I can't believe I fucked up that bad.'

'I believe that after Castiel fled your shared home, he went to live with his brother.'

'Yeah, he probably did. They were pretty close.'

Sam nodded slowly and looked down again. 'Listen, Dean, I didn't just come here to inform you of Castiel's mental state, nor just to find out more of Castiel's past from a different source.'

'Oh?'

'Dean… I wonder if you'd object to visiting the hospital at some point in the near future. It could be incredibly beneficial to Castiel's recovery.'

Dean sucked in a gasp and visibly slumped in the chair. 'I don't know… He fucking hated me the last time I saw him.'

'I understand. But Castiel seems to have blocked out a lot of his past. We don't know how he'd react in all honesty. He could react violently and that could be due to Jimmy, his other personality. Or he could respond positively and come one step closer to better health. We just don't know. But, Mr Winchester, we'd like to take the chance.'

'Of course… Well… Okay. If it means Cas can get back on his feet… I'll do it.'

'Thank you so much.'

'Ah, don't worry about it, Princess.'

Sam chuckled and leaned forward, clasping Dean's shoulder. 'Could I take your contact details so we could arrange a day for you to visit?'

'Uh, sure.'

'You can't come now, simply because we want to make sure Castiel's ready. He's been troubled of late and we don't want to shock him with your appearance.' Sam tapped his shoulder before letting go. He scanned Dean's face. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, I'm… I'm good. S'just the… the thought of seeing him again… fuck. Okay, well, thanks, I guess.'

Sam smiled warmly before standing up and shaking Dean's hand. The shorter man showed him to the door and handed him a business card with his details on.

'Sandover?' Sam asked, flicking his eyes over the smart piece of card.

'Yeah, that's where I work. Boring as hell but the pay's amazing.'

'I used to be a techie there.'

'No way! You're a big shot doctor man, there's no way you were a friggin' _techie_.'

'Yep, it happened. I kinda quit by… hitting my computer with a golf club… multiple times.'

'No. Fucking. Way. You're _the_ Sam Wesson? People still talk about your dramatic exit, dude. Well, good to meet ya.'

Sam laughed and inclined his head slightly, making his way down the porch steps. 'I'll be in touch.'

'Sure. Oh, by the way, dye or cut your hair or some shit, Rapunzel.' Dean shut the door, leaving Sam grinning yet self-consciously stroking a hand through his hair. Sam could understand why Castiel had shared his life with the other man, why Castiel had clung onto his memory. It made the doctor ache even more for his patient that he'd been broken so many times.

* * *

**Sorry that I made Sam older than Dean. It was kinda necessary. He's still the younger one in Castiel's dream universe. But yeah, Dean and Castiel are both 28 while Sam is 35.**


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel shuffled down the hallway, flanked by two large orderlies. His arms were tightly folded across his chest and he quaked with anxiety.

'Castiel!' Lisa called, running up to him despite the annoyance it caused the orderlies.

'Hello, Lisa,' he murmured in reply, wincing slightly.

'Are you going down to the dayroom?'

'Yes.'

'I'll walk with you then.' Her smile was broad and easy, radiating happiness. It puzzled Castiel that she could come across so happy and genuine in a place like this. Perhaps it was the fact that she didn't have the knowledge of her child's murder as a burden hanging on her shoulders.

'Thank you, Lisa, that's very kind,' Cas whispered, shaking.

'You haven't been out much.'

'No.'

'Have they been questioning you?'

'A lot, yes.'

'Have you been okay with that?'

'I like my new doctor,' he replied with a small smile.

'Oh! Is he attractive?'

Castiel gave her a melodic laugh. 'Yes but it's not that. He seems familiar. I like that.'

'That's good.' Her voice sounded genuine and left Cas feeling an emotion close to happiness.

'It is. He doesn't push me like my previous doctors either. For that I am glad.'

Lisa grinned at him and rubbed a hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. 'See? Improvement already! You'll be outta here in no time!'

They arrived in the brightly lit dayroom, various patients scattered among the tables and chairs.

'Where do you want to sit, Castiel?' his usual blonde nurse asked, walking up to him and Lisa.

'I like to sit by the windows.'

'That's what they all say,' she chuckled, overly friendly. 'It's sunny outside. Maybe you'll be allowed out into the grounds if you're good!'

'I highly doubt that,' Cas responded almost regretfully. Cas' voice was usually constantly tinted with exhaustion, like he'd given up when he wasn't Jimmy.

'You never know,' Lisa muttered in his ear.

'They won't let me. Last time I tried to saw my arm off with the barbed wire they have on the fences.'

'I heard about that. Were you okay?'

'I'm here now, aren't I?' Castiel said before moving to a free seat near the back of the room. Crosshatched metal covered the windows and prevented the patients from escaping.

Lisa sat in the chair opposite him and swung one of her legs, every now and then lightly tapping Castiel's leg.

'What do you think you'll do when you get out?' she asked.

Cas jumped slightly, his brain floundering. 'I hadn't thought about it. I'll most likely have to finish my jail sentence anyway, once they've 'cured' me.'

'I don't know about that. Maybe they'll blame it all on the crazy and you'll be free!' Lisa flapped her arms, giggling. Castiel joined in, laughing lightly.

'What about you?'

'I'm gonna open up my own shop.'

'What kind of shop?'

'A bakery. Little cakes, pastries, the lot!'

Castiel gagged slightly, thinking of the food. He managed to stop before Lisa looked up. He nodded and smiled at her instead, hiding his discomfort.

A black '67 Chevy Impala came into view, appearing out from the trees. Cas' eyes widened.

'What's wrong?'

'I think I'd really like to go back to my room,' Cas said quietly, eyes trained on the vehicle beyond the window.

'Cas, what-'

'I need to go!' he roared, batting Lisa's hand away roughly and running out of the dayroom. Two orderlies chased him and then clasped his frail arms, practically dragging him back to the cell.

Tears openly flowed down Cas' cheeks and he looked around his cell, stricken; Dean was nowhere to be seen.

'Where's Dean?' Cas screamed at the orderlies. They backed out, shutting the cell door. Castiel's fists pounded against the entrance, his skin turning red. 'Where's Dean?!'

Sam Wesson's face appeared at the thick window and Castiel ceased his punching, stumbling backwards to hit the back wall. His eyes were red rimmed from the tears and his brain was screaming with Jimmy's protest.

'Can I come in?' Sam asked from behind the door.

Cas nodded slowly, concealing his face with his hands and sobbing lightly. Before entering, Sam turned to whisper something to another man.

'Castiel, are you okay?'

'Dean's not here,' he said with a scratchy voice coloured with distress.

'Your hallucination?'

'Dean's not here!' he shouted, finally looking up at Sam. He realised the doctor was not alone. Stood a few paces behind him was a sheepish looking Dean. 'Dean…'

'This is Dean Smith,' Sam introduced softly.

Castiel's eyes grew to the size of saucers as he looked at the familiar man. His chest seemed to constrict and he froze, captured in the man's gaze.

'Where were you?'

'Home, Cas, I've been at home.' Dean's voice broke, grief in his tone.

Cas shook his head slowly. 'No. You were supposed to be here.'

Dean mirrored Cas' action and dropped to the floor in front of him. 'I've not been here.'

'You're not… you're not Dean.'

'Yes I am, Cas. I'm Dean.'

Cas gulped and stared at the man's green eyes through his own watery ones.

'Dean, I'll be outside if anything happens,' Sam reminded the visitor before exiting the cell.

Cautiously, Dean brought his hands up to frame Castiel's face.

'Cas, do you remember me?' he croaked.

'Of course I remember you, Dean. I saw you this morning.'

Dean lowered his head, pained. 'No. No, Cas, you didn't see me this morning.'

'Yes I did,' Cas insisted, leaning his forehead against Dean's. 'Yes I did,' he repeated.

Dean sucked in a breath and his bottom lip quivered. 'I was so fucking worried about you, Cas. And now you've changed so much.'

'What?' he asked sharply.

'I missed you Cas. And I screwed up. I'm so sorry.'

Castiel looked into Dean's eyes, confused and feeling betrayed. 'What did you do?'

'You don't remember?'

'Dean, I know Jimmy's angry but you have to tell me.'

Dean's eyes became owl-like as he looked at the patient. He dropped his hands from his face and sat back. 'Cas, do you remember college?'

'College? We didn't need college. We hunted things. You don't need degrees to hunt things.'

'Oh god!' Dean cried, suddenly standing and putting a hand over his eyes. 'Baby, what happened to you?'

'Dean, what is it? What did I do wrong?' Cas asked worriedly, fresh tears threatening to overflow.

'No, Cas, you didn't do anything wrong.' Dean exhaled loudly and dropped back down to the floor. Castiel crawled over to him and wrapped his arms around the taller man.

'Did Jimmy hurt you?'

'No, Cas.'

'Did I hurt you?'

Dean looked up and stared at Cas again. 'You did but I fucking deserved it.'

Cas suddenly went rigid and pushed himself backwards, eyes staring blankly ahead. He raked his nails up and down his arm, slowly going deeper and deeper, pressing harder, breaking the skin.

'Woah, Cas!' Dean lunged forward and tried to pry Castiel's hand away from his arm.

'What did I do, Dean? What did I do?'

'Cas, please stop,' Dean begged, clammy hand still pulling at Cas' slightly bloodied one. Castiel slowed his scratching and looked Dean in the eyes.

'What did I do?'

Dean's hurt gaze locked with Cas'. 'Cas, we broke up. We broke up because I was an awful person when you were the most amazing.'

Castiel gasped. 'My head hurts,' he whined, gripping it.

Dean scooped him up into his arms and rested his chin on Castiel's messy mop of hair, rocking him gently. 'It's okay. We don't have to talk anymore. We don't have to talk.'

'This feels more real than before,' Cas whispered before falling asleep, face nestled into Dean's black t-shirt and leather jacket. Dean held him for what felt like hours before Sam entered the room.

'Hey, Dean. You've had your forty five minutes with him… I'm sorry.'

'I thought I was fucking prepared for this. But I'm not. Nothing could have prepared me for this and you _knew_ that,' Dean hissed, keeping the volume of his voice low so not to wake Cas.

Sam frowned a little and grabbed the chair from the corner of the room. 'As far as I can tell, he didn't issue any violen-'

Dean cut him off by showing Cas' arm, streaked with red marks and dried blood.

'Oh.'

'Yeah, oh. He wasn't ready. He couldn't tell that I was real and that's fucking scary, Sam.' Dean's eyes were wild as he addressed the doctor.

'I'm sorry you're involved in this, Dean. But Castiel needs to recover. And there are some things he just needs to remember to get better.'

'I know,' Dean whispered, kissing the top of Castiel's head. 'I missed him so much, I never moved on. God, I fucked up.'

'You can't keep beating yourself up about it,' Sam said, eyes filled with empathy.

Dean tittered and looked away. 'Feels like you're drawin' me into the crazy. You're not my psychiatrist, dude.'

'I know I'm not. I'm just saying. I'm sure if Castiel was better he'd forgive you. It's obvious he can't let you go.'

'Just because I stuck in his grapefruit, don't mean he'd forgive me,' Dean spoke sadly, glancing down at the man in his arms. 'Christ, he's so thin. You doctors haven't done shit.'

Sam sat up a little straighter, puffing out his chest. 'If you'd seen him a few months ago, I think you'd disagree.'

Dean clicked his tongue and looked directly at Sam, changing the subject. 'This can't be cheap keepin' him here. Who's paying for him?'

'No one. He's here because the government ordered it. If he wasn't mentally unstable, Dean, he would be in jail.'

'Cas isn't a bad person.'

'I know he's not. It's how his brain has dealt with trauma that's the bad thing. And we're helping him cope here.'

Dean nodded and stroked his hand through Cas' hair. 'I guess I trust you not to completely fuck this all up.'

Sam grinned. 'Thanks, that means a lot.'

Dean smiled before shifting slightly, keeping his eyes on the sleeping patient. 'Would I… could I come to see him again?'

'Of course. I was scared you wouldn't want to come back, actually.'

'Yeah, well I'm not letting him go again.'


End file.
